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If you're looking for eBay, you're lost.
But while you're here, feel free to browse...
 Martha Bolton has written comedy for such
performers as Bob Hope, Phyllis Diller, Ann Jillian, Jeff Allen, Mark Lowry, Fritz Coleman, and more. A speaker and author of over 50 books, Martha is also the
Cafeteria Lady for Brio magazine. (If you're looking for  The Cafeteria Lady's newest recipe book, you'll find it listed under Notable Toxic Waste Dumps of the South.) Martha has also written for both Bob
Hope's and Wayne Newton's USO shows.
Martha began her comedy writing career as a church secretary. "I saw a lot of comedy in the church," Martha says with a laugh. "I used to perform a Friar's Club-type roast
on the pastor, deacon, or any other church staff member who was celebrating a special occasion. I had to change churches a lot." And thus began Martha's writing career. She's
been going strong ever since.
So if you're looking for a humorous, inspirational speaker for your business,church, ladies or couples retreat, a speaker for your writers' conference,or if you just need someone to do a little
filing in the office, contact Martha at marthabolton@marthabolton.com. (Okay, we're just kidding about the filing).
 My memory of
President Ronald Reagan
By Martha Bolton |
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America has lost a great leader in Ronald Reagan, and we've also lost an incredibly nice man.
At a private 90th birthday party for Bob Hope that his wife, Dolores, hosted in the backyard of their home, I had the privilege of meeting Mr. Reagan. But not the way I had planned.
It was an amazing party. Dolores had created a replica of Bob's hometown, complete with bakery, ice cream shop, candy store, and more. As you can imagine, the guest list was pretty impressive and included such notables as Jimmy Stewart, Cesar Romero General Westmoreland, and several former presidents.
My father was a Democrat and my mother was a Republican, and they both had voted for Mr. Reagan in each of his elections. When I noticed that Mr. Reagan was at the party, I really wanted to get my picture taken with him. So, I told my husband that if I ever got close enough that it actually "looked" like we were talking, that he should snap the picture. Unfortunately, it seemed as if a lot of other people at the party had the same idea and I could never get close enough. That is until...
They gave the call for dinner. As my husband and I made our way to the big white tent where dinner was to be served, I happened to notice that we were walking right behind Ronald Reagan. I usually don't do this sort of thing, but somehow I got up the courage to ask Mr. Reagan if he would mind taking his picture with me. He was so gracious and happily agreed to pose with me.
It was starting to get dark by now, but it was no problem because our camera had a flash. So my husband readied the camera, Mr. Reagan and I struck a pose and smiled, my husband snapped the shot, but the flash didn't go off.
Disappointed, I thanked Mr. Reagan, and then expected him to walk on to the tent. But he didn't. He asked if I'd like to try it again. I couldn't believe it. He was giving both me and my camera a reprieve. So once again we posed, once again we smiled, and once again, the flash didn't go off!
I thanked him for his incredible patience, but this time he had to move on to the dinner area. When I dropped off the film to be developed, I prayed that something, anything would show up in the print. But nothing did. It was just a black negative. But I got it enlarged and framed it and hung it on my wall, because I know it's me and Ronald Reagan!
Now, the topper to that story is that I was speaking at a banquet some time later and happened to tell about my missed opportunity with Ronald Reagan. Afterwards,a man came up to me and asked if I had ever gotten that picture. I said, "No. I had my two chances and I blew it." He said, "Maybe I can help." Then he handed me his card. It was Michael Reagan, the president's son! That next week I received a call from Ronald Reagan's office inviting me to bring my family down and have our pictures taken with Mr. Reagan by their professional
photographer! They took a picture of me with him, my husband with him, each one of my kids with him, then all of us together with him.
Needless to say, those pictures turned out a whole lot better than the picture I was trying to take with my little instamatic!
Mr. Reagan was just as gracious at his office as he had been at Bob's birthday party, too. He was warm and friendly, and chatted with my husband and I and our sons, showing off a gift that a member of Congress had given him. It was a wood carving, and depending on which way you turned the moveable wooden blocks, he could display three answers to whoever he happened to be meeting with: "Yes," "No," or "Scram."
As American mourns the loss of this courageous leader, gifted communicator, and steadfast patriot, thanks for letting me share my memory of him, too.
He was certainly all of the things that people are saying about him in their moving tributes.
But he was also a very nice man, who even gave reprieves to broken cameras.
--Martha Bolton
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 IN A CLASS BY HIMSELF
Tribute to Bob Hope
By Martha Bolton |
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We've had to say goodbye to an incredible talent, a great American, and a genuinely nice man‚ Bob Hope.
Bob left each of us with our own special memories, whether it be from our experiences of watching him on television, seeing him perform during a USO show, or knowing him
personally. If you don't mind, I'd like to share a few of my own memories of the best boss any comedy writer ever had the pleasure of working for.
When my son was in junior high, he had to write a paper on a famous person. He chose Bob Hope. After doing the research, he asked me if I thought Bob Hope would let him
interview him. I didn't want to disappoint my son, after all, Bob Hope was Bob Hope. He was far too busy for junior high school reports. So I told my son to call the
office and ask the secretary, figuring she could handle the request gently and tactfully. To the surprise of all of us, Bob ended up taking the call and let my son interview
him for fifteen to twenty minutes for a junior high school report. That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He was kind. And he loved an audience.
Another day when I was dropping off material at Bob's house, his beloved dog Snowjob bit me on the foot. Bob was already on his way to the airport, but during a layover en
route to his destination, he took the time to send me a telegram that said, "Dear Martha, please come back soon. I'm ready for another hors douvre. Love, Snowjob."
That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He loved making even his writers laugh.
When I was working on a project where I had the privilege of reading thousands of letters that Bob Hope had received from World War II soldiers, I got to know a lot
about the heart of Bob
Hope. Bob wasn't just an entertainer to these men and women. He was their friend. They loved joking around with him, and he joked right back in the letters that he wrote to them. One soldier even shaved off his goatee and mailed it to Bob! And yes, there were all those letters from mothers of soldiers who were writing to thank him for calling and letting them know that he had seen their son or daughter during one of his USO tours. Many of those kids never made it home.
One letter that was especially moving was from a soldier who had marched with his company for miles and miles to see
the Bob Hope show. By the time they got there, however, it was so crowded that they couldn't get close enough to see or hear him, so they started marching back to their camp. Word of this reached Bob, and after the show, he gathered some of the stars together, they piled into a jeep, drove out and met them on the road and put on a private show just for them.
That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He loved the soldiers. Each and everyone of them.
Bob Hope once remarked, "If I had my life to live over again, I wouldn't have the time." It's no secret Bob led an incredible life. He entertained presidents,
kings, queens, four-star generals, and performed with nearly all the major stars of the last century. Bob Hope rose to the top of every facet of show business,
vaudeville, Broadway, radio, television, and movies.
That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He was an unparalleled, irreplaceable talent.
In more than fifteen years of having written for Bob Hope, I can honestly say that he never once spoke an unkind word to me. I'd venture to say that most of America can't
report that about their bosses. That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He was easy going.
And after watching Bob
during our hundreds of meetings at his house, the dressing room conferences at NBC, dinners, banquets, birthday celebations, and whatever else popped up on his crowded calendar, I learned a lot about the "behind the scenes" Bob Hope. I saw his eyes tear up whenever he talked about his memories of entertaining the troops, and visiting all those sick bays on his USO tours. I watched him interact with lifelong friends he loved and respected Lucille Ball, George Burns, Phyllis Diller, Jimmy Stewart, Milton Berle, Danny Thomas while being equally at home with today's young stars. I watched him joke with presidents and international dignitaries.
But what intrigued me the most about Bob Hope was how he never took his own good fortune for granted. His excitement for show business, his passion for life and
laughter never once waned.
One afternoon while I was again dropping off some material at his house, Bob was eager to give me a tour of his newly remodeled office. His beloved wife, Dolores, had
done a beautiful job designing the changes and Bob wanted to show it off.
As he pointed out the various pictures hanging
on each wall -- the one of him with four living presidents, the one of him with the late John F. Kennedy, numerous photos of him with celebrities, I noticed something interesting. It was almost as if he were on the outside looking in, as though he himself couldn't believe where his career had taken him and how much living he had packed into his life.
Then, after Bob had described the final photo and we started to make our way down the hallway, he paused. Glancing back at the memory-filled
walls, and in genuine awe and sincere appreciation for the life he had been blessed with, he flashed that famous Bob Hope grin and said, "It's something, isn't it, Martha? It really is something."
Yes, it was something. The life Bob Hope was blessed to lead was something the world won't ever see again.
That's the kind of man Bob Hope was. He was one of a kind. We all loved him, and he will be greatly missed.
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